I was done

I was at the point where I needed a break.  I was done trying to get pregnant because obviously there was something wrong with me.  We started using protection because I thought for sure that a baby right now wasn't in Heavenly Father's plans and I just wasn't doing a good job of listening.  My OB was even frustrated at my two miscarriages so she ordered a whole bunch of genetic testing for Matt and me, which of course translates into getting poked with a needle and filling up enough tubes that I could have given someone a transfusion.  Mostly she was confused because I had been able to carry a perfectly healthy baby to term with zero complications before.

Remember my whole theory about how it wasn't Heavenly Father's Plan for us to have a baby right then?  Ya, before I could even track my next cycle, I was pregnant.  My doctor was a little upset that it happened before the tests were finished but shortly thereafter everything came back completely normal.  There was nothing wrong with us.  Well, that's what the tests said anyways.  So I was sent for ultrasounds and blood work like every week, the doctor tracked the baby's growth, and everything was looking normal.  We got passed the 10 week mark and breathed a sigh of relief.  At 11 weeks in our appointment, the doctor said we were safe to tell people if we wanted.  With the exception of my brother and his family, no one in my family knew about the other 2 pregnancies and I decided there was no point in telling them.  "So I was pregnant a couple of times but you know, the baby didn't make it so quickly go through the emotions of happy for me, sad for the loss, and straight to the pity - poor Erin."  Really, what was the point?  Matt can't keep his mouth shut so his family knew but they didn't tell anyone.  With this pregnancy though, I put up a freaking facebook post.  It was something cute and clever about something that Daniel said about the baby that I don't even remember now (I deleted the post later out of anger).  Everyone was so happy for us.  Baby Brinkerhoff #2 was due January 16th, 2012.  We had gotten past the first trimester so now the chances of miscarriage drop dramatically.  We felt like it had finally happened.  Even at 15 weeks, my doctor said that things were progressing and baby was looking good.  She wasn't completely sure because it was early but she thought it might possibly be another little boy.