We put Daniel to bed at his bedtime and got a bag together. My sister Becca came over to stay with Daniel while we were at the hospital. They said that the process of getting me to where I could deliver could take as long as 3 days so that's what we thought when we left. We got to Long Beach Memorial Hospital to start the process at 9 pm. Dr. McNulty had already pre-registered me and informed the nurses of our situation so we didn't even have to say anything, which was nice. The nurses were all super nice. Not fake nice or pity nice, but genuinely nice and caring. As it turns out, Long Beach is referred many of these types of cases because of their facility and training so our situation wasn't uncommon. It took 4 times and 2 nurses to get my IV in, so it actually lightened the mood for a few minutes. It all started falling apart when one of the nurses started asking about my medical history so she could input it into the computer. She asked how many pregnancies I'd had, etc. I don't remember many of the other questions but it was all I could do not to bawl. I fought back tears. Hard. I noticed the nurse did too. She was really sweet. One of the other nurses told me that she had been in my position before so she understood.
While the whole process could have taken up to 3 days, they said that once things really got going, the actual labor part would happen really quickly. Because of the length of time, they didn't want to give me an epidural too early. Instead they gave me doses of morphine. Dr. McNulty said that what we were dealing with was hard enough, that I shouldn't have to endure that pain too. She ordered a certain amount of doses and she was not going to be there for 3 straight days so she went off duty early in the morning. Throughout the night, what had to have been every 2-3 hours, nurses came in to check on me, check my progress, give me more of the meds to induce the labor, and ask questions to put in the computer. I think the only part that really annoyed me was the fact that I had to answer those same questions like 4 times. I mean, wasn't the information already in there? I was also introduced to the on call OB for the time being at like 6 in the morning. I don't remember much about that morning. I had slept like crap so I'm sure I tried to sleep a bunch. I know Matt went downstairs for breakfast at some point. Other than that, I honestly don't know.
Around 12:45, the morphine had worn off and I didn't have any more doses left. My nurse, Laura, suggested I take a shower while we waited for clearance from the doctor, who was in an emergency C-section. The shower did help. Right before the shower, I encouraged Matt to go get some food but he decided to stay. When I got out of the shower, I sat down and tried to brush my hair. It was that moment that the pain got exponentially worse. Matt called in Laura who checked me and said that it was almost time for me to start pushing. They weren't kidding about the speed once it started. Of course that meant that it was too late for an epidural. Luckily the delivery was quick and not too painful.
Nathan Henry Brinkerhoff was born still at 1:45 pm on Friday, August 19, 2011. He weighed 7 ounces and measured 9 inches long. He was absolutely perfect. Perfect everything. He looks a lot like Daniel's 4D ultrasound pictures. When he was wrapped up and handed to me, he even had his arm up with his hand behind his head like he was just hanging out, just like Daniel. I kissed his tiny little palms and face. We held him for about 3 hours before we had Laura take his measurements and clean him up. Then she took his handprints and footprints and dressed him. We picked out a baby blue outfit with a white cap. Laura took some pictures of him for us to have. Apparently we would get them the next week. Once he was dressed, we held him, prayed with him, talked to him, and watched football with him for a total of 8 hours. It was some of the most precious moments of my life and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Late that night though, we decided that while these moments were special and we loved them, that Nathan's spirit was gone and it was time to go home. So Matt held Nathan while I got dressed and we both snuggled him one last time. Handing my baby Nathan over to the nurse was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. As she carried him away, I just sobbed into Matt's shoulder. I know that it's not the last time I was going to see him but I would be missing him every day until then. Nathan was taken back to have his autopsy done later and the nurse came back with a box of momentos, like the blanket he was in and his clothes. Apparently they had run out of regular boxes and so one of the night nurses had created one with what looked like a half gallon frosted ice cream tub and a sharpie. It turned out pretty cute. Matt mentioned that this changed us forever, but for the better. He said that all this does is make him want to be better so he knows he's good enough to be with Nathan again.
Having the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation didn't make leaving the hospital easier. It made it possible. If I actually thought that was the last time I'd see my Nathan, I don't think I could have left. They would have had to kick me out at some point. I am grateful for that knowledge because it's the only thing that made this experience bearable.
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