We had planned on having our children 2-3 years apart. Theoretically, the first one would be out of diapers and the crib so we don't have to worry about 2 "babies." Given our jobs, we ended up planning on getting pregnant August of 2010, giving us a late spring baby. But then, the week that I was ovulating, I had to surgery to have my gall bladder removed. Nothing super serious but the doctor informed me that getting pregnant was not an option until after the surgery. Luckily I was able to get in and have surgery done the beginning of September. I was out for a week at school but it was done and we could still have a June/July baby - perfect for work. We tried (probably sooner than my doctors would have liked) and sure enough, pregnant. First try. We breathed a sigh of relief. We made the window, our plans had a hiccup but they were on track. It was still early so we hadn't planned on telling anyone but I went to my sister-in-law's to color my hair and when we were there, my husband said "Uh, do you really think this is a good idea - right now?" To which my sister-in-law said "Oh my gosh, you're pregnant!" So my older brother and his family knew but no one else.
Then the morning of Thursday, October 21 happened. I was 6 weeks pregnant at the time, according to my last cycle. I woke up like any normal work day, went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. Naturally, I was freaked out. I knew what this could mean. I called my doctor and left a message. I called an on call doctor. That doctor informed me that if it was in fact a miscarriage, that there was nothing that could be done to stop it and there was nothing that I did to make it happen. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out. No other explanation than that. My doctor called me back and I was set to go to her office at 9 am. I remember calling my department chair and friend, Mark. I was trying hard to not sound like a mess but I know that I must have sounded like I was bawling (which of course I was). Without asking me any questions, he said he would get lesson plans done for my classes and not to worry about anything. We took our son over to my sister-in-law to watch him. She tried to reassure me that bleeding can happen for a lot of normal reasons. When we went in to the doctor, she confirmed that I had miscarried though.
I was in shock. Like really, who does this even happen to? I'd heard of people who had miscarried and I knew that it happened. Even my husband's mother and sister had miscarriages, but I wasn't around when they happened so I don't think that I could connect to that. There was no one that I really knew that this happened to. Especially not in the church. I mean, our church teaches how important the family is and I had not in my 28 years of life heard of a church member having a miscarriage. I figured, we were good people, Heavenly Father doesn't let stuff like that happen to us.
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding that coming Saturday. I debated even going at all. We decided to all go up Friday though to try and take our minds off of it. Our tragedy actually got us an upgraded room. I'm not sure why my husband felt the need to tell them but they felt sorry (or awkward) for us and it worked in our favor. The weekend overall was a great success. But I mostly tried to push the whole event of the miscarriage out of my head. The sooner I "forgot" about it and the more "normal" I acted, the easier it would be. That was my way of "dealing with it."
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